Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
