dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
