take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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