I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
