proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alive.
So much puke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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