He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
