So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
