Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
