It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
