he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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