Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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