My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
