I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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