I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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