Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
