Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
