It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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