I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
