I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
