I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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