I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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