He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
