your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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