I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
