My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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