I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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