How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
