Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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