do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
