Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
