I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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