i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
