what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize