I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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