She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
