Pappa wants mamma naked
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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