Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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