JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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