i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
