Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
