im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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