capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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