Come see our sink grown plant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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