put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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