i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
