how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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