last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
