Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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