Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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