In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
