it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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