we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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