Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
