the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
