i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
