im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
