i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
