But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize