I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
