Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize