Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
