nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
