You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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